“Some Scars Are Invisible – Speak Up, Seek Support”

• Zonta Club II of Colombo hosts emotional abuse awareness program

By Amira Cader

 The Zonta Club II of Colombo hosted an impactful program titled, “Raising Awareness, Understanding and Preventing Emotional Abuse” at the Cinnamon Grand Colombo recently. Held under the theme, “Some Scars Are Invisible – Speak Up, Seek Support,” the event attended by members of the Zonta Club, police personals, clergy, and other distinguished guests aimed to shed light on the hidden yet deeply damaging issue of emotional abuse.

The program began with an awareness and training session led by Independent Domestic Violence Adviser (UK) and Attorney-at-Law Shahran Mowlana focused on increasing understanding of emotional abuse—particularly against women—while equipping first responders such as teachers, HR professionals, community leaders and law enforcement officers with the skills to identify, respond to and support victims compassionately and effectively.

A panel discussion followed later in the day, moderated by International Member of the American Psychological Association Rasini Bandara.

She steered an open and insightful dialogue, encouraging participants to engage with the often-overlooked emotional and psychological dimensions of abuse.

The panel featured Attorney-at-Law Jerusha Crosette-Thambiah, Open University of Sri Lanka Head of the Department of Psychology and Counselling Clinical Psychologist Dr. Ransirini De Silva, Miss Sri Lanka for Miss World 2024 Anudi Gunesekera and Corporate HR Professional and SME Trainer Chathurani Kulatunga.

Attorney-at-Law Jerusha Crosette-Thambiah highlighted the legal challenges many women face, especially in matters relating to property and financial independence. 

She emphasised that Sri Lankan law offers very limited protection to women in situations where property is solely under the husband’s name—meaning that in the event of a divorce, the wife may not receive anything from assets. To safeguard themselves, she strongly advised couples to maintain joint bank accounts and shared ownership of property.

“We are seeing more late marriages breaking down because couples are unable to cope with a narcissistic or overly demanding partner in the later years of marriage. Financial independence is essential—it gives individuals the strength and security to face these challenges and make the right decisions for their wellbeing.” Thambiah added.

Corporate HR Professional and SME Trainer Chathurani Kulatunga spoke about the challenges faced by working women, who often have to balance workplace stress with the responsibilities of being homemakers. Issues such as favouritism among colleagues, internal rivalry, gender bias and even instances of sexual harassment by certain individuals.

Kulatunga also pointed out that many women feel pressured by societal expectations to manage every aspect of family life, a burden that frequently leads to emotional strain and abuse.

“We are working on all these aspects, but firm steps must be taken to create healthier workplaces and happier homes,” she noted. 

Miss Sri Lanka for Miss World 2024 Anudi Gunesekera shared insights from her social and advocacy work, stressing the importance of awareness campaigns and empowering young women to recognise emotional manipulation early and seek help without shame.

She also spoke candidly about the online harassment she faced, recalling how certain users threatened her with gang rape after she did not win the Miss World title in India last year. While she received strong support from many on social media, she highlighted that the digital world carries both advantages and dangers.

Anudi further emphasised that in relationships, young women should maintain their identity and independence, reminding them not to make their partner their entire world but rather a part of it and never to lose themselves for someone acting out of selfish intent.

She summed up her message by saying, “Social media can lift you up or tear you down but your strength comes from knowing who you are. Never lose yourself for someone who doesn’t value you.”

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Ransirini De Silva examined the deep psychological impact of emotional abuse, explaining how it leads to trauma, long-term mental health consequences and the urgent need for early intervention and access to counselling.

She also pointed out that individuals, especially women—who experience ongoing emotional stress often unintentionally pass this distress on to their children. She explained that remaining in a troubled marriage can become a cycle of trauma, where emotional pain is repeated and carried forward within the family.

“Emotional abuse is often overlooked because there are no visible injuries. Victims may appear calm or compliant and abusers can present themselves as caring, making the signs difficult to detect. It’s important to recognise warning indicators such as fearfulness, withdrawal, low self-confidence, avoiding eye contact, changes in mood, or minimising and excusing the abusive behaviour,”  De Silva noted.

The session further outlined how to respond safely to a survivor—by listening without judgment, validating their experience, reassuring them it is not their fault and empowering them with practical support. Emphasis was also placed on maintaining professional boundaries, encouraging helpers to debrief with colleagues, recognise emotional fatigue, practice self-care and remember that they are supporters, not saviours.

This event formed part of Zonta’s global “16 Days of Activism” campaign, inspired by the United Nations, aimed at ending violence against women in all its forms.

The program concluded with a powerful message: Although emotional abuse leaves no visible wounds, its scars run deep. Speaking up, seeking support and fostering awareness are the first steps toward healing and lasting change.