Not everyone who dies by suicide is depressed

Not everyone who dies by suicide was depressed

 When we reach out, when we listen and remind someone that they matter, we help them see that their story isn’t over

A single, honest conversation can be the beginning of hope. In a world that often celebrates success and hides struggle, the greatest act of strength is to show care. Compassion and kindness are not small gestures, they are lifelines

One quiet Sunday morning, a young man sent cheerful messages to his friends. He joked about cricket, promised to visit his parents that evening, and reminded his team at work about a deadline. By nightfall, he was gone. There were no notes, no visible signs of deep depression, only stunned silence and questions that will never be answered. Only disbelief, and the quiet question that lingers whenever tragedy arrives without warning, how could someone so alive choose to leave?

Every day, the media paints a worrying picture, young people overwhelmed by pressures no generation has ever faced. Headlines speak of anxiety, social isolation, and a growing mental health crisis. For many parents, these stories awaken a quiet fear, the fear that their own child might be silently suffering. Today’s world can be heavy. School pressures, social media comparisons, family difficulties, challenges in relationships and an uncertain future make even strong minds feel fragile. When a child withdraws or seems distant, parents often feel helpless, unsure how to reach out to them.

When someone dies by suicide, the first assumption is that they were depressed. It is how we try to make sense of what feels senseless. But not everyone who takes their life has a diagnosed mental illness.

Sometimes, the pain is quieter, a mix of exhaustion, shame, or a loss of connection to meaning and purpose. Many who struggle appear perfectly fine. They smile, work, and carry on, even as they crumble inside. They may not fit the image of someone in distress, and that is why awareness matters.  Life moves in cycles. Joy and sorrow, gain and loss, all come and go like seasons.

When despair takes hold, it convinces us that darkness is permanent. But nothing lasts forever, not even the deepest pain. Beneath every moment of despair lies a self that is unbroken and capable of renewal. Even when the mind feels clouded, a part of us still holds the ability to heal and begin again. To remember that truth, and to help others remember it, is one of the most powerful acts of compassion.

Sometimes, people who are struggling do show signs, though subtle. They may withdraw from friends and family, talk about feeling hopeless or being a burden, give away possessions, or seem suddenly calm after a period of distress. Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy, or taking unusual risks, can also be signals that something is wrong. The key is to notice, to ask gently, and to listen without judgment.

A single, honest conversation can be the beginning of hope. In a world that often celebrates success and hides struggle, the greatest act of strength is to show care. Compassion and kindness are not small gestures, they are lifelines. When we reach out, when we listen and remind someone that they matter, we help them see that their story isn’t over. Awareness is not only about recognising symptoms, but about creating spaces where people can say, “I’m not okay,” without shame or fear.

Not everyone who dies by suicide was depressed. But everyone who reaches that point has, for a moment, lost connection with their inner self, the quiet voice that says, this too shall pass. Our role, as friends, families, and communities, is to help one another find that voice again. To listen more, to judge less, and to remind each other that no night, no matter how dark, lasts forever.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help. Useful organisations are National Institute of Mental Health (Sri Lanka): 1926 and Sri Lanka Sumithrayo: +94 112 682 535.

(The writer holds an MSc Clinical and Health Psychology (UK), a BSc in Psychology (MY), an Advanced Diploma in Psychology, CBT certification, and a Diploma in Child and Adolescent Psychology (UK).)