Judged by appearances: Mental cost of living in a filtered world

The more we compare, the more we disconnect from our own path

In today’s world, we are surrounded by carefully curated images of beauty, success, happiness, and achievement. With just a few clicks, we scroll past seemingly perfect lives. And often, without even realising it, we begin to judge ourselves and others based on these illusions.

We have built a society where people are seen, judged, and sometimes dismissed based on surface-level impressions. We forget that the images we see online are often edited, filtered, and selectively chosen. In fact, many people don’t even look like their social media selves. And yet, we still compare ourselves to those images as if they were real. What you wear, the way you look, where you’re seen, or even in a tagged photo have all become ways of defining a person’s value. These moments shape how people perceive you, often more than who you really are. We live in a world where one scroll through social media can make us feel like everyone else is doing better, living bigger, and smiling wider. But behind every perfect post lies an invisible pressure, not just to keep up, but to perform happiness. To look like we are always winning, even when we are not.

The human struggling behind the headline

But is this really who we are? Most people will never share their struggles online. They will only share their wins, vacations, and the best angles of themselves. And when we see this highlight reel, we begin to feel inadequate, like we are not achieving enough and not living enough. And the comparison doesn’t stop at influencers and peers. It extends to the people we see in the news, entrepreneurs, CEOs, billionaires, and public figures who seem to be at the top of their game. We watch them make headlines, sign deals, and appear on glossy magazine covers. We are told they are successful and have “made it”. But what we don’t see is the human struggling behind the headline. We don’t see the family disputes tearing them apart behind closed doors, the arguments, the strained relationships with their partners, or the emotional distance growing between them and their children. We don’t hear about the court cases, the betrayals, the sleepless nights, the burnout, or the quiet loneliness of leadership. We only see the brand, the money and the glamourous lifestyle, but not the cost that comes with it. Some are fighting private battles with their mental and physical health, silently carrying guilt, questioning their purpose even as the world praises them. But those parts will never make it to the screen.

And so, again, we compare ourselves, not to the person, but to the image. We feel that we should be doing more, achieving more, looking better, living louder. Psychologically, constant comparison activates our inner critic. It pushes us into a state of dissatisfaction where nothing ever feels good enough, not our achievements, not our appearance, not even our own story. Over time, this adds to our anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Research has shown that people who frequently compare themselves to others are more likely to experience envy, resentment, and decreased self-confidence. It’s a mental loop that leaves us always chasing but never arriving. What we forget is that these appearances are not reality. They are fleeting. They shift with time, mood, lighting, and perspective. When we chase after those images, we often lose touch with reality, what truly matters, our inner state. The self that exists beyond the screen. Experience teaches us, do your part, give your best, but do not cling to how it looks or how others respond. In simpler words, let your actions be true, even if they are not noticed. Let your worth come from your effort, not your applause.

Mental health is not just about avoiding breakdowns, it’s about building a relationship with yourself. It’s learning to notice when comparison pulls you away and gently returning back to your true self. It’s the strength to say I don’t need to perform for anyone

Because when we act only to be seen, we become too dependent on the judgment of others. But when we act with purpose and sincerity, no matter how small the action, we build real self-respect. The kind that does not disappear when no one is watching. It’s easy to judge people from the outside. To mistake someone’s silence for weakness, someone’s confidence for arrogance, or someone’s curated feed as their whole truth. But remember, what we see is never the full picture. Everyone is carrying a story, a lesson or a struggle that never makes it to the screen. That’s the reality of the world we live in. Life teaches us to look deeper, beyond appearance and status and to seek truth not just in others, but within ourselves.

We forget that the images we see online are often edited, filtered, and selectively chosen

Everyone’s life unfolds in its own way 

The more we compare, the more we disconnect from our own path. There’s no universal timeline for success or happiness. Everyone’s life unfolds in its own way, shaped by purpose, timing, and circumstances. When we stop measuring ourselves against someone else’s story, we begin to see our own growth not by how it looks, but by how far we have come. The pressure to appear successful, the fear of judgment, the urge to prove ourselves these are silent battles we face every day. But the most meaningful victories are the quiet ones, choosing honesty over perfection, peace over performance, presence over popularity. Mental health is not just about avoiding breakdowns, it’s about building a relationship with yourself. It’s learning to notice when comparison pulls you away and gently returning back to your true self. It’s the strength to say I don’t need to perform for anyone. When we begin to live from the inside out, rather than chasing validation from the outside in, something shifts. We return to a version of ourselves that isn’t performing, proving, or pleasing. A self that doesn’t need filters to feel beautiful or likes to feel worthy. We remember that our value was never in appearances, but in how we show up, quietly, honestly, and courageously even when no one is watching. That kind of authenticity, steady and unshakable, is everything.

Because when the noise fades and the lights dim, what remains is unfiltered, real, and whole. That is all that truly matters.

(The writer holds an MSc. Clinic & Health Psychology (UK), BSc Psychology (MY), Adv Dip Psychology, CBT, Dip Child & Adolescent Psychology (UK). She can be reached at [email protected].)