Sit down, stand up; long live the MPs

Now that we have a gigantesque Cabinet, there’s the insatiable demand for more tables and chairs as well to complete the hippodrome. Admin types are said to be overwhelmed with mile-long requisitions for goodies including tables and chairs and the news is that we’ll soon have a Minister of Tables and Chairs to rise to the clamours of ministerial drudges longing to serve us.

A Ministerial wannabe still standing at the door to the big Cabinet said that there’s elbowroom for more eager-beavers inside summating that he was hopeful the handful of MPs still without a portfolio may at least get new desks and chairs if not Cabinet comforts. A new committee has been appointed to look into suitable subjects to which the MPs may be appointed.

But all news is not good for the ministerial bandwagon. Rising cost of public expenditure and drying up of funds from IMF may mean all public officials being asked to sit on the ground. There’s more reason for doing just that.

A new study reveals examining a person’s ability to sit down and then rise from the floor could provide salutary insight into their haleness, longevity and in the case of our well-endowed politicians, their usefulness to the country.

Reports from Brazil say that researchers have identified an absorbing link between a person’s ability to sit and rise from the floor and the number of years he will actually live. In a remarkable indictment the study published in the European Journal of Cardiovascular Prevention said there was a risk of being 6.5 times more likely to die in the next six years based on an individual’s ability to pass the test which included over 2,000 people aged 51 to 80 being asked to sit down on the floor and then stand back up using as little support as possible.

In a stunning development 159 of the 2,000 volunteers died during the course of the study, and guess what, they were from among the group that had the most trouble getting up and down. The test used by the researchers required people to sit on the floor from a standing position and then return to a standing position. Speed wasn't a factor in the scoring, but support was.

When asked if this news could spell a dramatic change in the political terra firma, Minister of Health said that citizens need not panic as politicians are blessed with longevity and good fortune, irrespective of their size and stature. “You may hear of ordinary citizens succumbing to illness and ill-fortune but how often do you hear similar fate striking politicians?” he asked. Even lightning only strikes ordinary citizens, he illustrated his point. In the rare instant that it does happen, they’ll be right back in business; yes, just like in the cartoons!

An interesting mail from Renuka Kulanayagam said that she didn’t find my spiel on Valentine amusing, bawling out the universal festivity as a vicious plot by the commercial world. There was no response to my query as to if marriage was a similar conspiracy to clean up men of their kitty. But she does have a point. Why show your love and passion just one day of the week? There’s a long weekend and a whole year ahead of me.

I think I’ll get busy! You, too, Kulanayagam.



(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at [email protected].)