Satellite to watch over me!

The moon-lit Monday night was special. The large glass walls offered a panoramic view from my over-sized bed in a stunning air-conditioned tree house. It was a dream in sepia tone, eyes wide open. Then I fell asleep. It was 6 a.m. when I opened my eyes to a picture-perfect morning with a cascading river right beneath me.

I felt at one with the astounding artistry of nature, utterly cut off from the world. It felt good to be away from evil eyes. Just then it struck me. I wasn’t really alone. We now have a snoopy satellite positioned directly over us and I may be watched, after all!

Sri Lanka’s first communications satellite, the protagonists say, would link all remote homes to TV broadcasts but the Indians smell a big conspiracy. First a port, airport, roadway and byways and now the Chinese are on the orbital slot assigned for Sri Lanka. What if it was a spy satellite? Remember you can run but you just can’t hide, anymore.

“Hello!” It was a former President of galactic fame on the phone. She is bummed out that it took a satellite for people to remember her, despite the legacy she created. She laments that we do not need to spend all that money on a new satellite. “Our ungrateful people don’t know how to make use of the satellites errr, the resources we already have,” she said. Hello, is anybody listening?

Interestingly, the word hello was part of Alexander Graham Bell’s gift to mankind. The exclamation Hola had been in the vocabulary prior to the telephone as a means of getting someone’s attention. It meant both ‘stop’ and ‘pay attention’. The original word was considered too harsh a shout and was replaced by the softer sounding Hello but folks, it means the same thing.

OMG! OMG! Linda, a friend from England, called to break the news. OMG is a worthy wannabe poised to succeed Hello as we frantically spiral toward D-Day. But that can wait as Linda has more important news. “Kate is pregnant; Kate is pregnant,” she was in a near scream. What has it got to do with me? I asked nonchalantly. You fool, everybody wanted her pregnant, she babbled, and now she is carrying the future Monarch of England.

According to news reports the Duchess of Cambridge is suffering from acute morning sickness, considered by some to be a sign of twins. OMG! OMG! Well, that’s me picturing a future Monarch with a twin brother. That would be fun. Oi, quit imagining, you can do it later. I have one more paragraph to go; so stop and pay attention.

There was neither a Hello nor an OMG from the next caller, Dr. Doom. You are right about 21 December. The Government is going schizo. Colombo night races are a sign of the end times, he said. The affable economist’s colleague and General Secretary of UNP Tissa Attanayake told the media on Tuesday that he nor the leading Opponent or his followers will be racing their brand new Lamborghinis.

“Clearly, Lamborghini racing is now the Government’s top priority over raging issues like educational reforms”, he said. Clearly he is not listening to his own colleague. Dr. Doom has been predicting the end and who needs to worry about petty things like education or cost of living?

We might as well go out with a bang. I think I’ll go buy a ticket to the front row.



(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at [email protected].)