It’s raining Chinese!

Sunny days are finally here for the folks who predict rain, usually after it pours. The Met Dept will soon call in rain or shine, at the push of a button. Cloud harvesting is winging its way to the island. And who’s behind the stratagem? The Chinese, of course, the world’s arch cloud harvester.

“When I say ‘rain’ it shall rain; when I say ‘shine’ it shall shine,” proclaims the Minister of Disasters Mahinda Amaraweera.

Cloud harvesting alias cloud seeding has been around for some time. Proponents swear by it. It goes to work by injecting silver nitrate, dry ice or salt into the sky which induces formation and condensation of clouds activating an artificial cycle of rain. These rain harvesting chemicals are dispersed into the air from aircraft or canons fired from rocket launchers. Hang on! Chinese rocket launchers? I can almost feel that big bully of a brother quivering with trepidation looking over the Indian Ocean. Isn’t it nice to have not just one but two big brothers jostling to help a pint-sized sibling?

The Chinese can not only make it rain but can make the rain clouds go away as they professedly did during the Beijin Olympic Games. That should also spell doom for Messrs Duckworth and Lewis, cricket’s dark angels.

Called Mr. Carbs to offer few tips for the Budget proposals, but an aid benignantly said that his master was busy checking up if the Chinese could also make it rain with money.

Remembered an old joke as I drove to Buttala.

A small boy was awakened by a hellish crash of thunder. He ran to his parent’s bedroom and was consoled by the father. “Don’t be afraid of thunder. It is only a noise that God makes when a politician lies,” the sire said. “But why is it thundering now? It’s past midnight and all politicians must be fast asleep,” the boy quizzed his father. “I know,” the father replied. “But it’s around this time that they start to print the newspapers.”

The boy grew up and became a politician from the Kelaniya way.

It’s dark outside. It’ll come down, fast and furious. Every minute, one billion tons of rain, fall on the earth. When was the last time you danced in the rain? Did you know that umbrellas were invented to protect people from the sun? Yeah, and politicians to serve people? I heard that!

Received a call from Anura, a good friend residing with Uncle Sam. He says the news they receive about the island isn’t all that good. They fear we might wake up one morning to see empty gas stations and supermarkets. Met Dept hasn’t warned of cumulonimbus clouds heading over here from Greece, but Dr. Doom has been.

An email from a reader, Ms. Anoma Perera, poses a question: Why are you always harping on a doomsday? She promises that I’ll be the first person she calls on 22 December, ‘the day after’!

The former Police Spokesman SSP Ajith Rohana was thrilled to hear my voice. He has been transferred out and complains that nobody calls him anymore. He says he used to get over 300 calls a day! When it rains it pours.

Had to turn down an invitation from starlet Malini Fonseka, celebrating her becoming an MP, again! It’s all part of the script, after all. Rain or shine, the show must go on.

I think I’ll change my job, again!



(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at [email protected].)