Beware: Planetary traffic ahead

Life was interrupted yesterday by spasmodic flurry in the sky. Star gazers heralded a planetary transition that would drum up balky forces but would deliver a congenial climate for islanders, once in their new bearings.

The best way to lap up the story was to check the Pres’ schedule. Sure enough, he is on a state sojourn to China. That does it for me. “Planets aligned on a favourable axis, HE will return today with more a good omen for the country, a Presidential spokesman said.” Well, at least I wish!

Rest assured folks, the Pres is well informed. If you have a clue about what astrocartography is, you’d be impressed by his wisdom. The fascinating practice of astrocartography determines how an individual is affected by his geographical location solely based on the planetary positions of his birth chart we call the horoscope.

They say that a map of favourable geographical locations could be created, allowing him to move away from a problematic position. I hear that travelling to a salutary location during a bad spell is part of this science. I also hear that the times are indeed good in the land of the great wall.

Bopegedera, a veteran star-gazer, avers that the stars are pointing in the right direction for the Rajapaksas and for us citizenry, too. I asked if it included me as well. He said that the Government is favourable towards me. On closer examination it turned out to be the Government at home but great consolation, nevertheless.

He did point out a possible rosy alignment with governing types but admonished I would have to brush up on my people skills. I thought I should get my hands on the best-seller ‘What they don’t teach at Harvard’ by Dr. Merv. Another popular title ‘How to win Presidents and Influence Friends’ has been sold out. Who doesn’t want to align their stars with the chosen one; the star among stars of the Lankan skies?

As I searched for further wisdom I tumbled upon a character-scope that sent a shiver through my spine.

You think you are the best at everything and you don’t care who you trample in your hurry to show off. You worm your way into a position of trust with a mask of generosity, affability and bumbling incompetence, and it isn’t until too late that others find out for themselves, just how ruthless and naked your ambitions manifestly are. Inside you lack courage and confidence, so you choose limited situations to move in on, where you believe that you can easily shine. After all, it is better being a big fish in a small pond than paddling in the ocean, with your vulnerabilities so apparent.

You nincompoops, what are you thinking? It’s my own doggone reading. I’m a Leo. Check the Bitchscopes on astrologywizard.com if you don’t believe, you silly sons of white van drivers.

I needed a break from mysteries and conspiracies, so I Wendt with Lionel for the Sri Lankan version of the Hitchcock thriller 39 Steps. If you have heard of what one man can do; you now know what four men can do. Wait, there was a 5th, a bit of a mystery, alright! Kudos to unbridled, riotous Sri Lankan talent. Take to theatre people; take your children, too. Anyways, back to astrology.

The Zodiac made a discreet entry as a natural agricultural calendar that illustrated the crop cycle aligning farming chores with the rising and setting of the stars. Today, stars guide your destiny and mine, or better said the destiny of the stars who guide ours.

Hang on, there’s a call from Temple Trees. Sorry, wrong number!

I think I’ll change my number.

(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which aligns the stars of Sri Lankan brands on a propitious axis. Email him at [email protected].)