Ayubowewa!

Two hundred million kavum, kokis and a zillion propitious thoughts accord the New Year a rousing welcome. There’s no account of the bottles downed as islanders aren’t done yet. We’d probably know when everyone is eventually back at work.

In between public holidays, annual leave, sick leave, tea breaks, lunch breaks, Facebook breaks, bathroom breaks, whine breaks, gossip breaks and death fasts, most folks toil away in search of a life flowing with milk and honey. All that’s important is getting the auspicious times right.

There’s no break at the Conspiracy Desk so I unravelled the nuda veritas behind auspicious times. The New Year liturgy adjures a time for basically every chore and observed down to the T, is expected to usher in an auspicious year. People repeat the rituals, year after year, for prosperity to finally come home.

Billions of bilious blue blistering kavun and kokis, it’s all in the anointed times or ‘nakath’. These times are appointed by gurus ordained by the Government and this is what one of them has to say. “A lot of consideration goes into the proclamation of auspicious times. We have to make sure that these times are good both for the people and the Government” – and that says a lot.

Has it been good for you over the years? Next time I’m making my own nakath. You should think about it, too and quit blaming the Government for all your woes. You voted it in, after all. You diligently observed all the auspicious times custom-made for them and heaped blessings on them. So you see, it’s all your fault. You too, Dr. Doom, who we now know is a two-faced four-flusher. But his boss, the leading opponent, is an honest man. He means well even to his foes. The Pres was good enough to reciprocate a nation’s blessings on him by personally wishing each and every islander blessed enough to carry a mobile phone. Wow, he’s got my number, too.

Talking of numbers, check this out. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321.

Enjoyed nearly a week of traffic-less driving. Soon, we’ll be back to all too-familiar chaos on the road.

The New Year should see more new roads and expressways opening up; a great sign for the future of the country. Colombo needs a new road network with overpasses and underpasses; there’s talk of a monorail network, cable cars, etc.

Provincial highways need to by-pass congested towns and a mechanism to regulate slow-moving vehicles. Auspicious times apart, we need to move in the right direction and get on the fast lane to success. Sent a thank you note to Pres for allowing us to drive a tad faster.

Just picked up the story of a millionaire beggar plying his lucrative trade from the Fort Railway Station.

The man has turned a slight niggle into a dazzling display of differently-abled wizardry; performing with his feet things we usually do with our hands, warming the hearts of a million in the process. It turns out that the man is perfectly able, drives a van to work, hires out two three-wheelers and lives in a two story house. Oh, yes, he leaves home well dressed but gets into his raggedy work clothes, more of a uniform I’d say, as he reaches office. Wonder if he observed auspicious times too.

Our railway network is an enchanting part of our history. I’m hoping for a powwow with the railway chief and the beggar who makes more than him.

I think you and I, perhaps, the railway chief, too, need to change our line of work. There’s opportunity going a begging.

(Dinesh Watawana is a former foreign correspondent and military analyst. He is a brand consultant and heads The 7th Frontier, an integrated communications agency which masterminded the globally-acclaimed eco tourism hotspot KumbukRiver. Email him at [email protected].)