Plagiarism et al

Prime Minister Ranil Wickremesinghe with Former President Mahinda Rajapaksa

By T. E., Kotte

This writer last wrote prior to the last presidential and general elections, and rested on laurels idiotically assuming the mission was accomplished. The writer woke up to three good opinions appearing simultaneously on the same page of the FT on 14 February.

This is an exaggerated, well-intentioned parody on the writings of three clearly superior, fearless columnists. This writer has a healthy distaste of all things political and sees it only as a necessary evil in pseudo democracies such as ours, which bereft of commonsense, cannot ever claim to be anything other than a franchise driven by inflationary election promises.

This author ventures his opinion on the end result of this petty election for the traditional table scrap candidates where corruption is born, which was vaulted to a national consensus on the coalitions ineptitude in delivering on the primary electoral promise of eradicating corruption.

End result? The election demolished the UNP and destroyed the presidency. The Pohottuwa claim that the public has rejected the regime is patently obvious. Exacerbated by the frenzy of the ruling coalition who resorted to statistics to defend themselves rather than taking note of the protection offered by the 19th Amendment, acknowledging the red flag and be seen to be making the course corrections to reclaim the lost faith of the public.

What is to be done and where to begin with the entrails cited by Emil V. der P. Which now repose on Dr. Dayan J’s stake was Sarath de A’s question.

May one dare to suggest a pyre while the flame is hot as Emil suggests, before the maggots feast on it in plain sight, to save us the discomfort of the stench.

Without further ado, to selective cribbing from the masters; albeit with minor deviations which this writer hopes would be forgiven by the three masters: Emil Van der P, Sarath de A and Dr. Dayan J, in that order.

Emil et al

The public “has consistently sought to get this bunch of self-aggrandising political has-beens on track for far longer than should have been” tolerated.

“Sirisena seemed to stay above the kinds of collaboration for financial gain that many of the UNPers were obviously guilty of.” If it was obvious to all, why not to Sirisena?

“The formal complaint by Mangala Samaraweera to the CID re an attempt to throw out the election result and establish a dictatorship.” 

Could commission have been treason and a cover up been equally culpable sedition?

“What the hell happened to that complaint?”

“The Third Musketeer, Aramis” Pray do tell the ignorant public, author included, who the mini-monster is?

“The gossip grapevine is so active that, periodically, it produces some material, the veracity of which cannot be doubted”, notwithstanding “media complicity in cover ups.”

Presumably creating news and covering up is the trending game.

“Ranil Wickremesinghe has to begin a mass cleanup, removing every one of those with so much as a taint of corruption.”

Sorry Emil. Throw a stone in any direction in Parliament. It will hit a miscreant.

Sarath et al

Well Sarath, bet you will not miss a Sri Lankan train. It will always be later than you. Would have rather this title came from you rather than Lenin.

Your description of how Mahinda’s “defeat” was so eloquently enunciated by the “exceptional and preeminent dentist” was amusing. No doubt a molar theory lacking the depth of the wisdom teeth beyond.

Thrilled to hear Mangala, “the only present time minister anchored to the present”, described the poll setback as a “timely wakeup call”.

Did it really take that long for the snooze button to go off? I want to buy that alarm clock.

“It is our misfortune that the war ended while the Rajapaksa clan was in control and now the title to the liberalised land is theirs.”

Sorry Sarath, serious dissention on my part on this one. There would have been no war focused to win without the clan. Some of them may have been devils after the war but credit for defeating the enemy goes to the Dantes.

Had it been otherwise, the barbarians may have been at our gates.

“There is no SLFP.” Can’t argue with that. No presidency and no UNP either. Self-immolation at its most efficient.

“Ranil has convinced himself that he is an expert economist and the Lankan version of a hybrid of Lee Kwan Yew and Mahathir Mohamed.”

Perhaps so, Sarath; sadly, at this stage after the other two ran their fully-charged batteries down building their nations. Starting with rundown batteries doesn’t work does it?

“I don’t mind announcing that I voted for the Pohottuwa.” Why so horrified, Sarath? The ESOP scheme of a corporate leader is geared to his operating results. Just like the politician’s success is geared to his votes. They both live off the public. Do give the “honest rogue” some slack.

“No Sobitha Thero, no President Sirisena.”

Wish we could have voted for Sobitha Thero. Now we’ve lost another jewel in the Bellanwila Thero.

Will skirt the part about the “Chinese writing off all our loans if Mahinda had won, to offset the impact of western sanctions.” Don’t want to suffer the ire of our western masters who would rebrand us as pariahs again, do we? We need to be sensitive to western sensibilities and their mastery of duplicity.

Who on earth is Lanza? Do reveal to us the uninitiated. Wonder whether fishing in the Negombo lagoon with ecstasy on the hook will catch more fish. They must be addicted. Do we get arrested for eating ecstasy laced fish?

“The advisors who inhabit the crevices in the corridors of presidential power who are the humbugs responsible for the current political cul-de-sac that made the would-be reformer into a lame duck.”

Or was that a cooked goose? Don’t the cretins inhabiting the crevices have identities?

“Look in my face; my name is Might-have-been; I am also called No-more, Too-late, Farewell.”

Thanks Dante old chap. Mirrors must have been invented after your time.

Dr. Dayan J et al

A wonderful, insightful study of the history and tribulation of the UNP by Dr. Dayan J. Can’t fault his logic. The party has impaled itself on a stake of its own making. Quite a feat considering it took an excruciating 20 years of tortuous, slow motion impaling in public by a party promoting a new Constitution with equitable rights for all, without a democratic constitution of its own. One can only assume that the 18th Amendment to the Constitution, recently rescinded, was no more than the facsimile of the Party Constitution. Is any further explanation really necessary?

This writer was somewhat surprised by the carefully moderated conciliatory tone of Dr. Dayan J’s discourse, particularly related to remedies to retrieve the Grand Old Party from total extinction.

Especially poignant since Dr. J has been a diehard, vociferous MR’s-way-or-the-highway advocate in recent years. His current concern to preserve the integrity and sustainability of the UNP in the national interest is commendable.

“Rational UNPers must leave and form a new party”.

They could possibly have won the last election had they done that six months prior to the election. That was their only option. It was staring them in the face. Why didn’t they?

“The fierce urgency of now.” Thank you, Dr. King. Even a thinking snail could have mustered the measured urgency over the last two decades at snail’s pace.

This writer wonders about Dr. J’s sudden benevolent change of heart towards the UNP. Being a political ignoramus, this writer can arrive at only two possible motives. He is not against the UNP. He believes it is in the national interest that the UNP survives. He doesn’t believe it possible with Ranil at the helm. Let us give Dr. J the benefit of the doubt on that score.

Dr. J is a master of political science and a wily strategist himself. He has expressed two sentiments in his article – the first that Rajapaksa ascending the throne again would be good for the country in his opinion, while he rings a distant bell in the background warning us of the dangers of a dictatorship. Would it be reasonable to assume that the learned Dr. J knows full well that is what Rajapaksa aspires to? As an ardent and vociferous supporter of a deposed de facto dictator, he is of value as a supporter defending Rajapaksa. Of what value would he be should Rajapaksa succeed with his aspirations and there is no more opposition to defend Rajapaksa against.

This writer wonders why the voting public decimated the SLFP, UPFA and opted instead to vote for the Pohottuwa if corruption was their main grouse. No explanation necessary as to why they ostracised the UNP after the Bond scam.

Why did they not opt to strengthen the JVP at least at LG level to curtail corruption in the cradle?

(This writer for one would be grateful for an answer to this question from a seasoned political strategist such as Dr. J.)