11 tough truths about leadership that no one talks about
Monday, 17 February 2014 00:00
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By Vivian Giang
Ever wondered how the greatest leaders are able to handle being at the top so effortlessly?
The truth is, these highly successful people do stumble, worry, and doubt themselves, but they’ve also mastered reputation management and the way they’re perceived.
“Great leaders know that every step they take, every decision they make, matters in the end,” says author and public speaker Deirdre Maloney in her book “Tough Truths.”
“They know they must strategise carefully, then act aggressively,” she says. “They know they must think ahead — not just to their next step — but to the many steps after it.”
In her book, Maloney shared 11 tough leadership lessons that aren’t usually discussed by those on top.
1. It’s all about politics
This is not about Republicans vs. Democrats. It’s about the politics we face every day, as “we interact with people who have what we want and who want what we have to give.”
This is not a bad thing.
“Whether we want our boss to give us a raise, our child to stop squirming on the airplane, or the department store to take back our purchase when we don’t have a receipt, every single interaction involves influencing and persuading others in order to get what we want,” says Maloney.
Great leaders understand the importance of persuasion and that, in addition to a great work ethic, you also have to have the “ability to have relatable, effective, and influential relationships.”
Even when you don’t think that someone you meet can do something for you at the moment, you know that they could be a significant factor in the future.
2. Success makes you unpopular
When you’re a leader-in-progress, you will have people supporting you, be it your boss or colleagues. However, once you start achieving the expectations that these people have, you’ll become less-liked by them.
Your success has made you unpopular.
Maloney says that to be a great leader, you need to have a “strong will and an even stronger stomach.” At the end of the day, you need to remind yourself that your job isn’t to make everyone happy, but rather to improve the organisation as a whole.
3. You aren’t as interesting to others as you are to yourself
Everyone thinks that they’re interesting, but great leaders know that their stories aren’t as interesting to other people as they are to themselves. So they keep the focus on the other person.
“They keep their stories short, their complaints even shorter. They don’t send long emails or memos that go on for pages. They leave the other person wanting more,” writes Maloney.
When you turn your attention on the other person, they will inevitably share more about themselves with you, and when this happens, a bond is formed. That’s how you get people to trust you.
During these conversations, those great leaders never get your name wrong, and they’re fully focused on what you’re saying.
4. Every single person is afraid
No matter how confident someone may seem, everyone is afraid of failing. “We are afraid of screwing up,” says Maloney. “We are afraid of looking stupid.”
But great leaders know that everyone they interact with is also afraid.
These people are successful because they act in the face of fear. They go after what they believe, seek change and, ultimately, make a difference.
“They also believe they can take a risk because even if they fail, they’ll fix it,” says Maloney. “Even if they look stupid, they aren’t. Even if they appear weak, they’re not.”
Their fear doesn’t hold them back. Instead, it springs them into action, because they know not trying at all is worse than failing.
5. Someone is always watching
If you have a bad morning before you meet with clients, never let it show on your face. Someone is always watching.
“People watch. People talk. And communities are small,” Maloney says.
But how do you stay perfectly calm all the time? Maloney advises that everyone maintains a small exclusive group of people whom they trust. Choose these people carefully, and let your guard down only with them.
And the next time you want to roll your eyes or fidget at the meeting table, remind yourself that someone is always watching.
6. Great leaders protect their energy
Great leaders understand what gives them energy and try to increase these activities.They also know what soaks their energy up and minimise those interactions.
“Think about your energy. It’s not just about what you like best, but about what feeds you and what depletes you. And who. Do what you can to increase the good stuff and decrease the bad,” Maloney writes. “You just need to realise you have the power to do so. Much more than you may have thought.”
Eliminate whatever it is in your life that’s draining you, and replace it with something that inspires you.
7. You need to know how to take credit without taking credit
Great leaders have no need to toot their own horns or tell others how wonderful they are.
“Know that if you have to explain yourself constantly, take lots of credit, or refrain from risk, then you’re not coming off as a top leader,” Maloney says.
And when they are successful, they give credit to their staff, boards, volunteers, and the community. They don’t take compliments too seriously, and they also take the responsibility when things don’t go well, she says.
In order to get to this confidence level, you first need to identify what your insecurities are and then deal with them. Once you know what these weaknesses are, you will also figure out what your strengths are and what you bring to your organisation.
Great leaders must also be able to not take things personally when they hear negative things about themselves. They need to learn how to let things go.
8. Great leaders do not participate in trash talking
If you’ve ever spoken negatively about your organisation or the people you work with, you have not realised what great leaders have: Talking trash only hurts yourself.
Why? Because people will not trust you or build a deep relationship with you. They may even respect you less — and once that respect is lost, it takes a long time to win back.
Even if you don’t initiate the conversation, if you take a passive role and laugh while others are talking, you are still guilty of participating. If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at someone or discussed someone else’s personal life, then you’re trash talking.
“As tempting as it is, don’t trash talk about anyone or anything or any place you are connected to, unless it is with your absolutely small core circle of trusted people, your SWAT team,” she says.
9. You have to go beyond your responsibilities
It’s easy to go to our jobs and do the same tasks everyday. It’s our responsibility and our life. Maloney says this is a comfortable, but wrong way of thinking.
“[Great leaders] don’t work in existing systems,” she says. “They change the systems to give them what they want. They come up with new options for jobs, projects, and professional development that their bosses hadn’t even thought of. They see an opportunity coming their way before most of the rest of us have looked up from our laptops, and they seize it.”
10. Great leaders are expert networkers
The bottom line is you need to be a good communicator who people remember.
“Great leaders know that every interaction is an opportunity to connect with people in a way that is relatable and professional. To get a level deeper. To be memorable in some way. To get something — if not today, then perhaps tomorrow,” Maloney says.
So don’t ramble on, but instead, “provide just enough information about [yourself] that will intrigue” others.
“Practice making each conversation — written or in-person — excellent,” she says. “Think through your words for just a second before you say them. Read your emails over before you send them. See them as an opportunity. Over time it won’t just become second nature. It will make you rise above the rest.”
11. You have to have a life outside of the job
It’s important to have work-life balance. But aside from this, great leaders know they need a life so that they’ll learn more about other people, gain perspective, and grow their own knowledge.
It’s easy to fall into this “false idea that our work is all that matters,” Maloney writes. “When you have a life, you realise that your life is not the sun. That you are not the center of all things important. That the lives of others don’t revolve around you. That the issues you’re dealing with at your organisation don’t matter to most people. That the challenges you face that feel so unique to you ... aren’t.”
(Source: Tough Truths)
