Getting on with difficult bosses

Nothing is more destructive in the workplace than difficult bosses. Every employee has a series of bosses over their working career. Hopefully, most of your bosses are competent, kind, and even, worthy of your trust and respect.

Unfortunately, too often, employees have difficult bosses who impact their desire to engage and contribute at work. It is no surprise that employees who quit their job are most frequently leaving their bosses, not necessarily the company or their job. I too have had this bad experience once.

What makes a manager a bad boss?

Want to avoid becoming a bad boss? I am afraid that you may already be considered a bad boss. Just want to commiserate with other people who have bad bosses? Here are your thoughts about what makes a bad boss, well – bad?

Bad bosses, in order of their frequency in the comments thread, do the following.

• Fail to provide rewards or recognition for positive employee performance.
• Speak loudly, rudely, one-sidedly to staff. Bad bosses don’t provide the air time for staff to respond to accusations and comments. They intimidate people and bully staff. They allow other employees to bully employees.
• Fail to communicate, and may not even have, expectations, timelines or goals. Bad bosses change their minds frequently leaving employees off-balance. Bad bosses change expectations and deadlines frequently.
• Love gossip and employees who report these to them. They choose favourite employees and cover up and make excuses for the poor work of their incompetent favourites. They ignore selected people and discriminate against many employees.
• Use disciplinary measures inappropriately when simple, positive communication would correct the problem. Bad bosses ignore employees until there is a problem, and then pounce, i.e., kicks the player and not the ball.
• Take credit for the successes and positive accomplishments of employees. They are equally as quick to blame employees when something goes wrong.
• Think they know it all and look down on employees.

At one point or another in your career, you will report to a manager, the person you fondly – or not – call boss. The relationships that you create and manage, with both your immediate boss, and other company employees, are critical for your work success and career progress. Remember, you need your boss’s support for you to climb the career ladder. There are those who thought otherwise and ended up having to leave their jobs or to be stuck in them for long times.

And, face it, whether you like it or not, you’re in charge of your relationship with your boss. No one will ever share as much concern as you do that the quality of the relationship helps you achieve your goals. At the same time, your boss has information that you need to succeed. He can’t do his job or accomplish his goals without your help.

So, your manager shares a critical interdependence with you. If you don’t accomplish your work, your manager will never shine for his or her overall responsibilities. You won’t progress without the information, perspective, experience, and support of your manager.

Despite knowing this, managers do come in every size and with all possible levels of skill and effectiveness. Some managers are just plain bad bosses; others are unaware of what you need from them. Managing up is challenging, but ultimately, worth your time.

Types of bad bosses and how to handle them

1. “Did I hear that right?” The passive aggressive personality: Passive aggressiveness is a strategy used when a person basically isn’t able to confront issues directly so instead will use indirect means of criticising you. It could be in the form of comments or actions that make you question yourself or cause you to make mistakes.

It is difficult to address because oftentimes it may be seen as you “taking it the wrong way” and so others may not always see the problem. The only way to deal with passive aggressive behaviour is to recognise it and address it at the time it is happening. You do not need to be rude or aggressive back. Simply let the person know that their comment was not ok and that their rudeness is not necessary.

The idea is to bring their behaviour out into the open. You will feel good about defending yourself without resorting to back-biting or complaining and chances are that once they realise that it doesn’t work on you, they will stop.

2. Manipulative personality: Some managers can demonstrate qualities of manipulative behaviour. This is particularly common where there is large power difference with regards to education or authority. You, as the direct report, are anxious to make your boss happy and to prove your worthiness. You may find that you are saying yes to things without really wanting to.

The problem is that this type of boss may not be looking out for your best interest but their own and so have you running off in multiple directions and not focused on your career goals. In a way this feels like a compliment because you are taking care of so much and feel validated in your job. But it is important to know when it has gone too far and now you are not progressing in the direction you set for yourself. The most critical thing is to learn to recognise when it is happening and then to address the specific situation with your boss privately.

It may be uncomfortable if you are not used to speaking up, but you will develop great skills in managing others (managing up) and with a little skill and patience you can be sure to keep your career on track while still making the boss look good. Setting boundaries at the beginning is key.

3. The unfocused boss: Having a supervisor that lacks focus can be exhausting for the people reporting to him or her. This type of boss has so much energy and wants to do everything and wanted it done yesterday. They commit constantly to more projects without checking with the people who actually do the work. Their positive energy is infectious and it is great to be so productive.

The problem occurs when you start projects or experiments every day. Priorities change daily, or sometimes hourly, and you can’t finish a task before a new one is put upon you. The only way to keep up is to work very long hours and even then your head is barely above water. This type of situation will lead to burnout if not handled timely. The best way to address this situation is to have a talk with the boss and have prepared a list of every project you have going and where it is at in terms of being finished and the deadline if there is one.

Explain how you prioritised the list and what you feel are the most important projects to complete before taking on more. If the boss wants to add more to your list, give them an honest assessment as to when it can be started. When they insist it must be started earlier, ask them which project on this list should we bump off?

The idea is to bring to their reality all of the commitments so they can understand the volume of work on your plate. You need to be firm when stating that you simply cannot take on another project until projects x, y, and z get done. They want to keep you working hard for them and making them look great. You just need to restore your sanity and feel good about having a job well done instead of 20 jobs all done poorly. This type of boss often does not realise the extent of your frustration until you discuss it so it may come as a shock when you finally draw the line.

4. The micro-manager boss: Depending on the type of worker you are, a micro-manager can be a benefit or a nightmare. If you like to have a lot of direction and attention, you won’t mind a micro-manager at all. However, if you prefer to work independently, you will not be a good match with a micro-manager. This type of supervisor will check in with you every 5-15 minutes to see how you are progressing. You know you are in trouble when the boss positions your desk or cubicle as close to their office as possible.

To survive micro-management, you can try a couple of techniques. One is to find another place to focus on your work; whether you need to read papers or work on a PowerPoint presentation, find an empty conference room where you can focus without being disturbed. If leaving your desk is not an option, try putting on headphones or listening to your iPod (even if it is off) as an indicator that you are focused and can’t be disturbed. If the constant interruptions are occurring in the lab, set the time to go off in a 1-2 minutes. If you are being called to the boss’ office while trying to get your lab work done, bring the timer with you and let them know you only have a few minutes before you need to get back to your samples.

5. The put-down boss: It is difficult to handle a supervisor who rules by negative reinforcement. Most people will not last under these circumstances and who would want to? The best approach is to make sure you do not work for someone like this. During the interview, make sure to talk to others in the group or lab and also, you may want to check references for the boss with others who worked with this person and left the group.

But if you do find yourself in a situation where you have to be subjected to verbal insults, if you are not overly intimidated, try speaking to the person about it and give specific examples of when their language was inappropriate or crossed the line. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting the situation, it would be best to leave, plain and simple. No job is worth the anxiety and stress of dealing with abuse.

Feel free to tell your boss politely that you don’t want to be spoken in such an abusive manner and remind him that you have self-dignity and self-esteem that you religiously want to protect.

The workplace is a dynamic place with many differing personalities all needing to work together. It is not uncommon that two people just don’t click or that personality clashes will occur.

The answer to any uncomfortable situation with a boss or co-worker is always to be positive and to be constructive. Focus on the problem and not the person. Focus on how to work together and not how to get the other person to change- because they won’t. I can’t stress enough how important it is to leave any job with relationships intact. Never insult the boss or management or retaliate on your way out. That is the surest way to never be hired again.



(Nalin Jayasuriya is the Managing Director & CEO, McQuire Rens & Jones (Pvt) Ltd. He has held regional responsibilities of two multinational companies, of which one, Smithkline Beecham International, was a Fortune 500 company before merging to become GSK. He carries out consultancy assignments and management training in Dubai, India, Maldives, Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia and Bangladesh. Nalin has been Consultant to assignments in the CEB, Airport and Aviation Services and setting up the PUCSL. He is a much sought-after Business Consultant and Corporate Management Trainer in Sri Lanka. He has won special commendation from the UN Headquarters in New York for his record speed in re-profiling and re-structuring the UNDP. He has lead consultancy assignments for the World Bank and the ADB. Nalin is an executive coach to top teams of several multinational and blue chip companies. He is non-Executive Director on the Boards of Entrust Securities Plc and Eswaran Brothers Exports Ltd.)