Women in leadership: What can women do to bridge the gap in equality?

By Ayanthi Philip

A year into my marriage I too got trapped into ‘leaving before leaving’ – this is what Sheryl Sandberg begged women in corporates not to do! Sandberg observed that women after they get married look to having kids and they subconsciously don’t push for promotions. They leave before they leave, stagnating in their roles. I too did the same. I propelled through to senior management, but I left, wanting a family, unsure if I can bear the brunt of a demanding corporate job as well as being a mum, wife, homemaker...what I didn’t realise then is that I defined the roles of a husband and wife, a mum and a dad. Here lies the very essence of why women stagnate and don’t push further however capable and competent. 

Women in every nook and corner of the world, after having children take on a lot more than their partners! They become the timekeeper, cop, organiser, principal... in reality it is unpaid work. The type of work that can provide the vacant space for growth, expansion, studies, creativity, entrepreneurship. Unfortunately the unpaid must be done for us and all involved to lead a decent life. Yet, as Melinda Gates puts it, it also falls into unequal work – unpaid and unequal work on the part of many women around the world. 

If facts are to be presented, women in poorer countries do a larger share of unpaid work. In India, women spend 6 hours a day doing unpaid work, while men spend less than 1. In the US, women average more than 4 hours of unpaid work every day; men average 2.5. In Norway, women spend 3.5 hours a day on paid work, while men spend about 3 hours a day (there is no country where the gap is zero). On average, women do seven years more of unpaid work than men over their lifetime. (Reference: The Moment of Lift, by Melinda Gates).

After working in four different companies (two multinationals and two global), having met women from different backgrounds, demographics and cultures as well as conducting particularly female centric, female empowering workshops, here are some thoughts on what women could do to develop their gifts, to contribute to others and pursue their dreams: 

1. Take out the bias of gender. It’s an equal playing field and there are no defined roles – women cook and look after children and men go out and earn is a perception that needs to change by both men and women. Once this bias is taken out, there is freedom in what women can choose to do. They are able to delegate tasks to their partners and there comes about a partnership, a shared responsibility for the household. The question we need to ask ourselves is – ‘does your relationship have love, respect, teamwork and the want for mutual growth?’ Nobody is better than anyone else, no one’s growth, happiness, and dignity matters more than anyone else’s. If a household has this understanding and partnership, it is the basis for both to thrive!

2. Women need to inculcate an empowering belief system. There are two types of people in the world – those with a limiting belief system (that comes from fear and scarcity) and an empowering belief system (that come from love and abundance). Having this empowering belief system allows women to be positive (whatever the circumstances) and it also allows women to be resourceful.

3. Know your locus of control – there are certain things in life we simply have no control over. Stick to your locus of control, which is your life, your goals, your home, your family and those who are near and dear. 

4. Manage your time well – keep a diary, plug in important dates, use the Eisenhower matrix as a quick check and balance. Where you spend your time on unimportant activities is where you’d need to divert it to important, long-term goals and plans. I am rigorous in my time keeping and follow my colleagues in North Europe who manage their time extremely well. 

5. Assertive communication – An assertive communicator puts their own needs forward without hurting or trampling others. Being assertive is to simply be honest and state that something is important to you and it needs to take place over something else. This is where lots of women falter – this is when the heart and mind want to say no, but the mouth simply says yes. Practice asking for what you really want in life and things will happen for you. 

6. Don’t expect perfection all the time – As Sherlyn Sandberg once said, if the husband puts a diaper on the baby, it may not be perfect, but he did it. However, if we expect perfection and things to be done exactly the way we want, the chances are that we will get thoroughly disappointed and this leads to anxiety. Keep these high expectations in check and this will allow us to be less anxious, happy human beings.

In conclusion, the ‘ultimate goal’ is for women to achieve their dreams, be happy and be at peace. I hope women all over the world find this inner peace and prosperity!