Some fifteen (15) things to do in ‘Independent Sri Lanka’ today

CRY, “FREEDOM!” – in the heart of darkness at noon with power cuts being threatened as much as their immediacy denied, plus an enforced embargo on the spirit (literally) of liberty, the people of Sri Lanka may feel they have little to celebrate as their nation-state turns 74 today; yet, there is always hope... if we’re able, ready and willing to look into the abyss – and have the courage to see it staring back at us 

Much has been made of the national day celebrations that are on – the (a) good, the (b) bad, and (c) the ugly. Happy day for kids of all ages who like parades (a). Sad turn of events for suicidal citizens facing sundry scarcities is (b). Shocking ongoing trend (c) for a few who were hoping we would sooner than later outgrow our penchant for all things colonial, and transition peacefully from a post-war into a post-conflict society. 

But despite the naysayers who point to both a distinct lack of independence, as well as the liberties taken in its name, I beg to differ. We are still a people who are free, fair and up for a little fun in a worthy cause.

And to prove my point, here in lighter vein are a three-quarter century’s (75) worth of things to attempt in lieu of a celebration of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in our sunny isle. 

There’s one (1) for every five (5) years, just like each half a decade stands – or falls – for the same old lot we keep recycling in the forlorn hope that something will change ‘this time’...

I leave it to you to take these (15) with a pinch of salt... or sugar or turmeric – if you can find any of it.

Economy

(1) Play the Sri Lanka edition of ‘Monopoly’ – it will give you a fresh appreciation of paper money, bankers and the canny sale of property as the stock-in-trade of shifty game-players.

(2) There’s another true-to-life card game by the insightful name of ‘Hora Deal’ (do look it up and try to get a pack for yourself) – but it seems to be off the market for a while now, so it’s something of a collector’s item... perhaps its creators have been ‘collected’ by some ‘items’?

Education

Money may not grow on trees; but often, good ideas do. So (3) start reading a book... and make a singular change to the abysmal level of erudition among a native people whose native wit is usually only half-right. And whose average IQ is 79, plus an appalling percentage of whose MPs have not read beyond their ‘Oh!’ and/or ‘Ah!’ Levels. 

Let me recommend ‘Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind’ – a tome bound to correct any misguided notions of racial or insular superiority that may be sloshing around the inside of your noggin after delving into the difficult passages of the ‘Mahãvamsa.’ 

Else give ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ a stab... I know of at least one other person among the powers that be who desperately needs to take a dekko at it more than you do – but I strongly suspect that his temperament doesn’t run to it. May run from it? 

In fact, for such difficult personalities who think they’re stalwart leaders like no other, while remaining a queer mix of arrogance, simplicity and tone-deaf-ness, I’d highly recommend ‘Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ’ (or more than ISS: ‘I Say So’) over ‘The Art of War’ any day. 

Who knows, it may improve their supposedly sterling character no end. Although recalibrating their grinding approach to life in the blessed isle – that of imitating a distant suburb of a sunny disposition – may be a bridge or a port city too far. 

Entertainment

(4) Throw an item of underwear at a politico – perhaps You Know Who of yore – to protest the return to politics of people’s representatives who aren’t fit to say ‘bra!’ to a goose, and who was also out for a duck courtesy the Supreme Court not so long ago!

Environment

(5) First, try and find a secluded spot on a lonely beach. By no means am I suggesting that you ‘do a #RichardDeZoysa’ on us, courtesy of the Dark Side of the Force! But a deserted strand is a lovesome thing, god wot! God: What? 

Also, such a paradise is hard to find these days... inevitably, a crocodile who’s mad, bad and dangerous to know, or some more disreputable member of the madding crowd such as a state minister touring the shady spots with his equally bedlamite lady love, is bound to be hovering around – to prove that while every prospect pleases, only man is vile... 

But I’m getting carried away, and not by the tide... so I shall cease and desist – unlike the executive brook, which babbles on forever. While men and women may come and go, carried hither-thither by appointments, disappointments and a ‘resigned’ approach to professionalism, discipline and the rest of that racket!

(6) Then, go for a lovely little walk... or, if you’re a bumbling president or burly pickpocket, take a hike! 

(7) Far from the madding crowd, resolve to adopt the four Rs – no, not those, er, gentlemen: the rotters I meant are Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Recover. God knows someone has to (8) plant a tree or three to prove to the powers that be that ‘going green’ doesn’t mean printing reams of currency. Or turning an unattractive shade of basil (I swear it’s a tincture of the third primary colour) at the mention of Mr. Clean. Or an unhappy hue of chartreuse every time a fundamental rights case filed threatens to cook your goose. 

Travel/Tourism

(9) Take a round trip of the places you’ve always wanted to visit – if only to get your lips and teeth around tongue-twisters like Angunakolapelessa, Kahatagasdigiliya and Galenbindunuwewa for the last time... before they’re replaced, probably sooner than later given foreign policy trajectories of late, with equally unpronounceable names like Thiruvananthapuram or Fangchenggang (I kid you not!). 

Ethics

To mark your independence, try to do something on your own (10) – All By Myself doesn’t have to be a chief executive’s lament alone – that doesn’t waste or squander our increasingly rare and precious store of dwindling national resources. 

It will make a nice change from that pack of yahoos who insist on doing it in the company of 6,500 uniformed personnel, 111 mechanised monsters and 27 whirlybirds flying overhead as if they have never heard of world oil price hikes and fuel-costs at the pump skyrocketing into the stratosphere. (Don’t mention the closure of power plants for lack of furnace oil, as I just did.)

It’s a bird... it’s a plane – no, wait... it’s a bird, after all. If only... much as I’m partial to air shows, it hurts not a little to watch the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable. 

In the spirit of (10) above, do (11): sell your gas-guzzling lemon or clunker of a hearse or jalopy in favour of a leaner, cleaner, green vehicle. That is the future, if the head of state is to be believed. 

Of course, he and other eco-idealists may have their battles cut out for them at the hands of the coal and other Mafias. Cold comfort when you can assuage your lonely war on energy pirates and other ecological disasters as you swan by the Diyawanna in your multimillion dollar Maybach, muttering “I’ll be back...” – no fear, sir! You may well not?

Politics/Religion

(12) Make an independent resolution to give these taboo topics a miss in mixed company – they don’t go down too well... these days... if they ever did. 

For one, we have enough rogues in a ‘house’ formerly known as an ‘august assembly’ formally slashing each other’s throats in private to bring the old familiar issues back home with us or take it out to that friendly neighbourhood party.

For another, it has long been the province of cynical administrators – from the Brits to the pretty witty city chits of GG to the gits who rule the roost today – to divide and conquer... so don’t fuel the fire yet and be fooled once again into the bargain. 

Last but not least, isn’t there a panoply of better, brighter and more beautiful things to lose our deposit or our shirts over? The plethora of petty, partisan and narrow issues vested with selfish interests and hidden agendas (and now, not so secret strategies, thanks to the stunning transparency of crooks and charlatans – we can see through them; and it helps us that they have no sense of shame) are best left where they belong: beside the lake, beneath the trees, in a trash can.

Personal development

Under the axiom ‘it is better to light a candle than curse the darkness’, (13) light a candle. The present parlous state of our national power supply will help you no end. If you’re in a particularly perverse mood, you could (14) burn all of those responsible in miniature effigy. Do take care not to set your domicile blaze. We have elected and appointed representatives to do precisely that... i.e. raze the national edifice to the ground with their inane, inflammatory policies and insane programmes. To make a desert and call it peace in the guise of vistas of – what was it called, now? Ah yes, ‘lenders and austerity’!

National interest

Finally, feel free (15) to get – or not, in the spirit of personal liberty – one of several types of jabs on offer. 

On the one hand, quite literally, there’s the booster shot... just about the only thing the government has got right. 

On the other, metaphorically speaking, there’s the prick of conscience (no, we don’t mean your favourite editorialist or that salacious crumb of a clergyman) to remind us that we – you and I – are about as much to blame for the pretty pass we’ve all come to, 74 years later, as the fanatic or the fool in high places we love to trash or traduce is. 

If we can see, and frankly admit, that it is we the voter; I the corrupt citizen who takes short cuts to bless and benefit me and my friend and family; or you the corporate captain of commerce or industry who rants against graft at the forum or rails over bribery in the chamber – but oils the palm of a taker in private and secret, to grease the cog-wheels of commerce that drives the engine of growth – why then, we may be one step closer to being free... of cant and hypocrisy at least, if not crime and penury and the verge of bankruptcy.